Livings in Ambiguity

It's wonderful to KNOW. However, most of the time,we have no idea. I am attempting to make peace with living in ambiguity. Expecially since I have no choice. There are things I just don't know. For instance, when will my knees get "better"? Will I need further surgery? Again, no one seems to know. Will I find a "sponsor"?. You know....those institutions who pay you for making appearances.....quite often Monday - Friday from 9:00 to 5:00. Will I get my writing skill back?.....the medication I'm taking seems to have dulled my verbal skills. Will I ever get my pictures hung on the wall?

In addition to complaining about my inabitiy to predict the future, I am back on my training schedule for the metaphorical tour de France. I am back at the gym and I am committing to 3 hours of some form of "deskwork" every day for 6 days. Since the entire dining room, including dining room table expanded with both leaves, and all chairs, a few snack tables have morphed into my "desk", I have some leeway regarding what counts as "deskwork". My real desk has a collapsed rolltop and at the moment is unuseable.

Rest of the house update: the laundry room has been cleared out and phase II is complete. Amazing.

Back to ambiguity. The lesson to be learned is to enjoy the day, in spite of not knowing. There really is no other choice.

Progress Report

Ah, no entries lately. I've been working on an incomplete in a class that is due by the end of this semester. It requires reading and writing....a lot of writing. We (mainly Rick) have been working on the laundry room and there is a good chance Phase II can be complete by the end of the weekend. Nutrition and Exercise......need to remotivate and start again. And in a few minutes I'm leaving to have both knees realigned. In the hospital overnight and back here on Tuesday, trying not to bend my knees but knowing I should. Ah, the travails of the metaphorical athlete.

messy

Yesterday I had a conversation with a young friend of mine who said that he thought that if he worked hard and did what he was "supposed to" then life would easy. He had been depresssed for a while and struggling with a major decision and no clear answer was in sight. I explained to him that it never works like that. Life is messy, but it is oh so rich. Life is sorta like a jamoca almond fudge ice cream cone. There is no way to participate without getting at least a little messsy. But it is Oh SO worth it.

Baby blanket

Ah, after 18 years, I finished Chelsea's baby blanket. Things were going fine until the bobbin thread started jambing up. I had to take the whole machine into the shop only to find out I had the presser foot down when I threaeded the needle. Duh. I brought the machine home and finished the blanket. Now, if I only knew what to do with it.

Ah, so little has happened in so much time.

One exciting thing is that my gym got new bicycles and they have nine settings including settings for rolling hills and Pikes Peak. The universe has decided to encourage my training.

I have pink eye. At least pink is my favorite color.

Up at 3:00 a.m.

I guess maybe I should consider adding insomnia to my list of issues.

Nevertheless, on the hoarding front, I have taken the pre-test and the post-test and the degree of my hoarding problem changed from Severe to Moderate. Obviously, if you were looking at my environment, I still have a bit of a clutter problem, but I have worked on it sucessfully. I painted the laundry room wall a second coat last night and now we are ready to put the shelves back against the wall and start tackling the mountains of stuff......specifically, Stuff to Wash and Camping and Outdoor gear, and I still have a few boxes to go through before we can tackle the organization of toys and tools. The big news is what HAS been accomplished. Trash out, things discarded, sorted, and washed.

For those of you without an imaginary staff and a sports psychology wing added to your house or apartment and with a hoarding problem, I recommend any of the following books by my staff.

• Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding (Neziroglu, Bubrick, Yaryara-Tobias, Perkins)
• Buried in Treasures (Tolin, Frost, Steketee)
• Compulsive Hoarding and Acquiring Workbook (Steketee, Frost)
• Compulsive Hoarding and Acquiring Therapist Guide (Stekett, Frost)

Of course, it is better to have the team living in a wing of your house, on call 24-7, but if you can't arrange that, the books are an adequate substitute.

Another day, another declutter

I've been de-cluttering the laundry room, and by laundry room I mean basement room almost the half the size of the house. I actually had a real person, as opposed to my imaginary staff, help me. Rick and I spent time for the past three days re-piling and tossing things out. And I only pulled one thing back out of the trash. So now we have a mountain of clothes and blankets to wash, a mountain of toys and camping gear and a corner we can't get to quite yet because toy and camping gear mountain are blocking access. We've sorted, tossed and washed and we even painted part of one wall. After the second coat, and cleaning off a set of metal shelves, we will be ready for the camping gear to find a permanent home. We are washing an extra load every day, hoping to lower the elevation of Things To Wash Mountain. That will leave us with Toy Mountain and a few other odds and ends to wrap up Phase II. Phase I has been done for several years, but no additional progress has been made until this past weekend. For anyone with hoarding issues, progress can be made.

Just like a real athlete

I feel just like a real athlete. I have to have knee surgery. All the real athletes have surgeries. They get theirs from working too hard, mine is that my knee and leg bone are not aligned properly....or something like that. I saw the x-rays.

Chef Ricardo made up the best dinner last night. Whereas I just add onions to EVERYTHING and call it a made up dish, he actually came up with a winner. He stir-fried broccoli, then steamed it, mixed it with olive oil, sauteed onion, whole wheat pasta, and no fat feta cheese. Ummm Ummm Good. It's the only time I have wanted more broccoli in my entire life.

Once I was going to cook something and the recipe said to saute it. I didn't know what that was and there was no glossary in the cookbook, so I put the cookbook away and probably haven't opened it since. I do know how to saute nowthough.

Mountain Training

Back on the bike today. In addtion to regular training, I added strenght training on the bike, just climbing up those mountains....ok, small inclines (level one) but it's a start.