nutritional team hired.

Johan: I canceled my evening meeting with Johan yesterday and I promise to never do that again. At 9:56 this morning I realized I had an appointment 30 minutes away at 10:00. I need a race director. I will write that 100 times on the blackboard. I cannot manage without a race director. I changed my appointment until later today, but not before I experienced anger and self-loathing. Those things are what I need to get rid of in order to have a successful Tour de France.

Adele: Yesterday Johan and I hired a nutritionist. Actually we hired a nutritional team. The head of the team is Adele. As soon as I met her I knew she was perfect for me. What better way to pay homage to Adele Davis than have a nutritionist named Adele. Adele Davis was one of, if not the first, "health food nut". You say health food nut, I say health food aficionado. I read her books in the early 1970s and for a while followed her advice. In those days people loved to criticize her and anyone else that had an idea that wasn't popular in the 1950s. After she died, critics announced smugly, "see, she died". What idiots live on our planet. Proper nutrition does not prevent death, but it surely makes living easier.

Needless to say, Adele was not impressed with my nutritional intake. I love things smothered in cheese, butter, sour cream. I drink way too many soft drinks. I have never met a sugar molecule I didn't love. And chocolate....ahhhh. This does not in any way match my fantasy. In my fantasy, I make my own bread (by hand, not in a machine). I grow my own herbs and vegetables. I shop at the farmer's market. I am primarily a vegetarian. That is my fantasy. In reality i don't even cook. I don't even reheat well. I have attempted it a few times. Once I put pizza bites into the microwave. I read the directions which said to use a medium setting. By the time I walked from the counter to the micirowave, (not exactly a long walk) I had forgotten the instructions and put them on high. The pizza bites were removed from the plate with brute force. Once I heard the buzzer signaling the end of the baking, I hopped up off the couch, trotted into the kitchen, opened the oven door and noticed the oven was empty. I had remembered to set the timer, but forgot to put the food in the oven. Once I was roasting peanuts in a little toaster oven when I smelled smoke. I got to the kitchen the same time as my roommate's sister who helped me wheel the kitchen cart and the toaster oven out the back door so I could hose it off and put out the fire. I will never forget her frustrated sigh and her muttering the words "Oh, this kitchen" under her breath. You'd think she had never taken kitchen appliances into the back yard for dousing before. It still makes me smile. Once I was actually preparing something with a recipie. The instructions said to add "two clove garlic'. In my mind, clove was an adjective modifing garlic, like white garlic, new garlic, clove garlic. Never did I think it meant to add two cloves OF garlic. Trust me, two bulbs of garlic, clove or otherwise, is not the same as two cloves of garlic. I smelled like garlic for ever so long. There are more stories, but you get the point. I don't cook. Although in (some) of my fantasies, I do.

The point is, now I have Adele and her team of nutritionists working for me. We are adding a wing to the house just to accomodate the nutritionists. I can hear you saying now, I live in an apartment. How can I add a whole wing to an apartment. For you who, for whatever reason, choose not to add proper accomodations for a nutritional team and the ultimate kitchen, once again, you can consult your inner nutritionist. Of course, you may already have perfect nutrition. Right.