A metaphorical yellow jersey

Now that I am back in training for Le Tour, the question does flit across my mind from time to time, What will determine the level of success I have in Le Tour, or even if I have trained enough to make the team. The point of the metaphorical tour was to work as hard on my "issues" as the cyclists do during Le Tour. So what are the benchmarks? In order to walk away with the yellow jersey, does my life have to be perfect? What is yellow jersey worthy? Losing 50 pounds? Getting the entire house organized? Getting half the house organized? Overcoming depression? Overcoming depression, getting the house organized, and losing 50 pounds? It gets a little complicated and I have not yet found the answer. If Lance wins the yellow, what do I have to do to win the green jersey? The trick about the Tour is that you wouldn't have to be very good, as long as no one else was very good. With all these options, I am announcing the criteria for making the metaphorical Team Radio Shack. When I bicycle, on a stationary bike, 1000 miles, I will qualify for the metaphorical team. 1000 miles for an overweight, middle aged, woman with high blood pressure? How hard could it be?